Why Me?
by Shinagami
Summary: All sorts of crazy shtuff happens to our hero in black! Read, laugh, be merry!


Roger Smith awoke to the sound of an instrument being played. Normaly he'd storm out of his room and tell Dorothy to stop playing   
the piano, but today another sound kept him from his precious sleep. The sound of a viola.  
"R. Dorothy Waynewright!" Roger yelled, slamming his door open. "What are you doing......." His vioce trailed off as he   
stared at a young girl with blue hair standing in the foyer. "Hello, a lady guest?" Roger asked himself.  
"Hello Pilot Smith." The blue haired girl said to him. Roger looked the girl over again. She was wearing a white skin-tight suit   
and had red yes that bore into him. Roger sighed. What was it with him and strange women?  
"NORMAN!!" Roger summonded his trusty butler. There was no response. Roger looked annoyed, but turned his anger t  
owards the viola-playing stranger. "Who are you?"  
"My name is Ayanami Rei. I am the First Child." Roger stared incrediously at the young, and very atrractive girl.   
This had to be a trick from Norman, no, this wasn't his style...Dorothy? No, she didn't have enough emotions to have a sense of humor.  
"Well, you're right. You are the first child to be in this house. Now out!" Rei just stared at Roger, her eyes unflinching.  
"No. I am a temporary guest in this house. The one named Dorothy is staying in my current position, as a transfer   
student." Dorothy sat in the entry plug of EVA 00 and began the start-up proccedure...  
Rei set the viola down and went over to Roger. "You don't have a problem with this, do you?"  
Roger was unfazed "Well, if you do intend to stay here then you have to follow the dress code. All black." He pointed to her white suit.  
"I have no problem with that request." Rei went to her room and came back a minute later wearing black pants and a black shirt. "Is this more suitable?"  
"Yes. Now make yourself useful and cook me some breakfast." When Rei made no move to prepare him his food he cleared   
his throat.  
"I...don't know how to cook....." Rei turned a shade redder.  
Roger sighed and went to find Norman. He went into the kitchen, and found a tuxedo leaning into a stove.  
"Ah, Norman. I need to talk to you about letting strangers into the house..." Roger stopped when the man stood up,   
showing he was definatly not Norman.  
"Please excuse me, Princess....eh, I mean. Master Roger. Norman said he was ill today, so he asked me if I could cover   
for him." The butler said said through a thick gray mustache.  
Roger waved one hand at the butler, the other holding his head. "Yeah, yeah just make me some breakfast Nor-..uh..."  
"Peagan." The butler said.  
Roger nodded bored and sat at the table. Peagan came over and set down a silver tray in front of him. Roger opened the tray, expecting   
to find some eggs, but instead a shiny silver revolver sat on the plate.  
"What is this? Guns are against my policy." Roger said turning his head from the weapon.  
"Uh..when Norman told me Dorothy Katalonia lived here I took some precautions..."  
"Ahem...Dorothy Wayenwright lives here...I don't know any Katalonias..." Roger got up from the table. This day just kept   
getting wierder and wierder.  
"Peagan, I'm going out." Roger said as he put on his black coat.  
"Very good, Master Roger. I'll get the limo ready." The butler went to start up a pink limo that had suddenly appeared where   
his black sedan was usually parked. Roger stared at the pink and white monstrosity that had become his ride. "Know what, Peagan?"   
The butler just stood there. "I think I'll drive myself...." And with that he stepped into the car.  
"Coming Rei?" He asked to the blue haired girl sitting at the table.  
"Why would I need to go with you, Pilot Smith?"  
Roger shrugged, he was used to Dorothy always going with him. So with that the negotiator zoomed off, down the road.  
When he got to the bar that served as his contacts favorite place, Roger grabbed his wad of twenties and tucked them safely into   
his pocket. Once inside he snagged the beer from the bartender and sat next to the guy with tinted glasses and a stern look on his face.  
"Yes?"  
Roger was about to answer when he saw that the man was not, no where near actually, his contact.   
"Who are you?" Roger asked, not really wanting to know.  
The man leaned forward, and laced his gloved fingers beneath his nose. "My name is Gendo Ikari."  
Roger didn't really care what his name was, he did want to know where his contact went.  
"Where's the guy who's normally here?" Roger said, taking a sip of his draft.  
Gendo didn't answer, probably because he didn't know either. On the Nerv control bridge Misato was staring at a guy with orange   
glasses who was telling Aoba about something called a megadues. Of course Aoba was interested and put aside all other   
responsibilitys, including the angel attack that was underway...  
"Okay...whatever. Do you at least have some information to tell me?" Roger was beyond careing who everyone was.  
"Yes." Gendo said, not moving from his original posistion. " An angel is coming. The third."  
Roger drew back, "Three?! There are three Angels?" Roger imagined three of the whiny double agants who searched for memories,   
and ultimatly just kept getting in Roger's way.  
"There are seventeen, but the third is attcking today. It's name is Sacheil.  
"Angel's real name is Sacheil?" Roger was stunned, that was a really, really stupid name.  
No....The angels name is...." He couldn't finish, Roger was already out the door after dropping the wad of twenties on the table.   
Gendo greedily grabbed them and stuffed them into his pocket. That'd get him and Ritsuko some entertainment later.......  
"Seventeen Angels? And the third one is attacking? On a megadues?" Roger went to his manly pink limo to find that it had   
been looted. the wheels, the seats, the fuzzy dice, all of it, gone. Roger had forgot to put on the safety, not that there was one on this   
prissy little thing.  
"Fine. I'll call Nor-..Peagan to come get me on his motorcycle." Roger called the butler on his wristwatch, to find it had been   
replaced by a Rolex. "What the-? Peagan just decides to get me a new watch?" So Roger started home. It began raining halfway there,   
and Roger stopped in at Datsun's office.  
"Major?" He asked stepping into the police officers small office.  
"Who?" Asked a man inside. Roger was expecting to find a bald man with green clothes on scowling at him, but instead   
found a bald man in green clothes scowling at him. Unfortunatly he was not Datsun.  
"Uh.....who are you?" Asked Roger realizing his freind was gone.  
"My name is General Septem. I am in command of this facility as of fourteen hundred hours." The guy said.  
Meanwhile Datsun was falling out the back of a plane.....  
Roger shook his head and left. On his way home an explosion threw him to the ground. Roger looked up to see a black megadues,   
with two white funny shaped heads, blowing up buildings with a red cross looking laser beam...thingy.  
"Just not my day. I better defeat this megadues so I'll be ready when Angel attacks." Roger ran into the street. "  
Big O! Into action!" Passerbys saw a man yelling at his Rolex. Roger threw the expensive watch to the ground and stomped on it.   
Around then a motorcycle pulled up and a woman in pink hopped off.  
"Angel!" Roger said.  
The woman looked confused, then took off her helmet. Long blonde locks fell out of the helmet.  
"Angel!" Roger yelled again.  
The woman took off the goggles, showing gray eyes.  
"Angel!" Roger yelled again.  
The woman threw her helmet at Roger and showed off her gray arched eyebrows.  
"Angel?" Roger asked, confused.  
The woman shook her head and drew a fencing sword from her side. "I am not Angel!" She said, stubbornly. "My name is Dorothy   
Katalonia!" Roger reeled back, remembering Peagan had purchased a gun when he thought she lived there.  
"Um....my butler has your gun." Roger said. Dorothy sighed and threw Roger into the bike's side-car. They took off toward a   
bridge. Roger jumped off the bridge in classic Roger Smith style and landed in the hand of a giant robot. By the time Roger had entered   
the password and started up the systems he realized that he was not in the cockpit of Big O, but of Wing Gundam.  
"What?" Roger didn't bother with semantics, the black robot locked hands with Wing and they began a power struggle.   
When Wing began to win the black bot's arms increased in size.  
"Oops..." Roger didn't know what to do.  
"Master Roger." Peagan came on the line.  
"What is it Peagan?"  
"Miss Rei has informed me that you are fighting one of the 'angels' that Master Ikari informed you about."  
Roger didn't know how Rei had know about that Gendo guy, but nodded his thanks and went to fire Big O's main weapon.   
The chrome buster! Too bad for Roger he wasn't in Big o, so he ended up firing the buster rifle, the closest thing Wing could come up   
with next to chrome buster. The beam hit the angel's A.T. feild and dissapated. The angel, for some reason decided life was too much   
and started to self-destruct. Wing saw what the angel was doing and thought it was a good idea, so it started to self-destruct too.   
"That's it! I'm outta here!" Roger jumped out of Wing just before it exploded, along with Sachiel.  
Roger walked home. He entered his house and found there was a huge party going on inside. Roger wadded through the guests as   
he made his way to the kitchen. Inside he found Rei, a wimpy kid, and a redhead.  
"Rei...what is going on?" Roger asked.  
Rei said nothing, and the redhead eyed him curiously. "Who are you? This your place? It's nice."  
The wimpy kid looked up. Roger stared him down until he looked away. "Sorry...." the wimpy kid said.  
"What is going on here?" Roger asked again.  
"We're having a celebration party for deafeating the third angel." The redhead said.  
"Oh...and who are you to come into my house..."Roger pointed to her red plugsuit "In that, and throw a party?"  
"My name is Asuka, and I'm the best EVA pilot in the world, plus I look hot in my plugsiut." Asuka said, smiling.  
"Roger sighed, he looked defeated. the wimpy kid walked over to him and patted him on the back. "Hey, I'm used to this.   
She'll calm down in a little while when the partys over."   
"Thanks...exept one thing...."  
The guests heard someone yell something that sounded like 'NO PARTY IN MY HOUSE!!!' and then a long string of curse words in   
German. Roger stormed out of the kitchen and stared at the guests, who did their best to become invisible. Roger was about to order   
them to leave when everyone heard a high pitched sound coming from above them.  
Roger looked out the window and saw a red trail following a chunk of metal.  
"Whoops...." Said a boy in a green muscle shirt. "Guess I shoulda blown up Libra instead of coming to this party...."   
The he turned to glare at another boy in all black with a long brown braid. Duo just smiled and shrugged.  
The Heero pulled a gun and was about to shoot the other boy, when Libra fell on them.  
Roger awoke in his bed, to the sound of piano music. His TV was on Gundam Wing, the last episode.  
"Uhg...that's the last time I stay up watching an anime marathon...."  
End......?   
  
*Author's note. This is my first Big O fic. I don't really like the series, but hey....crossovers are always fun! Okay, okay.. I'll leave now.   
And yes, it was the end. Thankfully........ 


End file.
